And The Reality Is..........

2006-02-13T16:09:00.000-08:00

Joke of the day:
Man says to wife: How about I cum in your ear?
Wife: No, I might go deaf.
Man: I've been cumming in your mouth for 25 years, and you are still talking!!!!

Great joke!!!!!!

2006-02-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

Again, I've been slacking on the posting. It's one day to V-day. Yippee. I am going to sit on my couch, in my pajamas and relish in the fact that I don't have to buy anyone anything. I am going to splurge on a nice bottle of wine and drink it all myself! I really do like V-day, if I am dating someone. It's been a very long time since I have not had a date on the dreaded holiday. I'm convinced, now that I am single, that the women who have been scorned by a man have been the one's to come up with this holiday.
Sorry ladies! I've come to the conclusion that this one day is an excuse to bitch about not receiving anything, or receiving something you don't find worthy of Feb. 14th. Flowers die, they aren't good enough. Chocolates will make me fat! Dinner reservations are ridiculously hard to get, so dinner at home sucks. Jewelry is perfect, except that nobody wants a heart pendant from Helzberg that symbolizes one day of the year. So, you figure out the "perfect" gift and she will still have something to complain about. It's too bad. I was once one of those women.
Guys, on the other hand, are very simple. I think that if I had a boyfriend, my gift would be me in a trench coat, naked underneath with pizza and beer. Duh, that would be a home run, don't you think? I'd totally be in for a night at home, pizza, beer and a movie.
I used to think V-day was a huge deal. I had very high expectations. I don't anymore. I have found that it is very stupid and obsolete. I would like to get flowers on a Friday, like June 4th, more than on February 14th.

2006-01-17T10:55:00.000-08:00

I bought a new vehicle last week. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I have my reasons, but right now, I am focusing on my enormous car payment. Idiot. Anyway, I do love it. I was driving a 2004 Monte Carlo. Yes, the epitome of hick, trailer trash, daisy duke wearing, confederate flag in the window, car. I loved that car. I just have a very short attention span. I had it for two years, and got seriously bored with it. (Hence why I cannot commit to any relationship???)
Anyway, I bought a 2006 Trailblazer SS. Yes, this vehicle does it all folks! It has 395 horsepower, a V8 Corvette engine, and personally gets you into all sorts of trouble while you are driving! I have had it for a week and have caught myself going 90-100 mph on the freeway twice. It is very fast. My car payment went up about 100 bucks, but I figure if I cut one night at the bar out, I will soon make up for it. At least my car insurance went down. Apparently the insurance company charges you more for driving a "Dukes of Hazzard" car?? I was unaware of this.
The point is, that I really do like my new SUV. I guess that was the only point I had.

2006-01-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I am a huge slacker. I haven't updated for awhile again. I still have no excuse, except that nothing interesting ever happens to me.

I did go out with a friend last week-end, though. His name is Mike, and we always have a blast together, but we aren't dating. He is the best to go to dive bars with and people watch. We went to a bar in Hopkins last week-end, which shall remane nameless. It was a classic people watching event!! Look out Minnesota State Fair, you have some competition! Honestly, when you are out in public, you could at least try to fix yourself up! I saw people in wind pants and long sleeve T-shirts with tennis shoes on. Now, granted this is not a classy bar, but for God's sake, maybe jeans and a T-shirt??? You aren't going to the health club, so go a little wild and make an effort, would you?

Something very odd happened to me at said bar as well. I was sitting with Mike, staring at the wonder of Minneapolis humanity, and he left to go use the restroom. As he was walking away, a guy came up to the table and said, "That guy you are with is really lucky." I proceed to look up, with a bewildered look on my face and reply, "Ok, why?" He must think I am a total idiot, as he responds with, "You are way too pretty to be with him!" Now, I need a recovery, as Mike and I are not dating, so I am fair game! I smile and bat my eyelashes at him, and say, "Oh, we aren't together, we are just friends!" I think I freaked him out, because he just walked away and I couldn't find him for the rest of the night. Mike finally came back from the bathroom, and I told him the story, but he didn't believe me. I tried to find the guy, but I guess I scared him so badly, that he left the bar!!! Wow, this dating thing is fun! I can't even get a phone number from a guy who was hitting on me!!

2006-01-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

Yay, I made it. I have survived the holidays. Alone. I didn't go to jail, although I did spend quite a bit of Christmas in the garage yelling profanities. I proceeded to drink a case of beer and pass out on my mom's basement floor as well. Merry Christmas! My cousin and his girlfriend got into a screaming match, to which I responded with, "Merry Flashcard Christmas to you both, now GET OUT!". It was a night to remember.

Christmas Day went well, too. I started drinking screwdrivers at 9:30 in the morning and kept drinking all day until about 9:00 pm. I was a puddle of fun! I lost all my quarters during our poker game, and almost beat up my brother's girlfriend for winning. Apparently, I get a little violent when I lose! Whoops!

New Years came and went without any issues. I went to a dinner party. It was the first time in my life that New Years didn't consist of jello shots and keg stands. It was civilized for God's sake. My friend made baked rigatoni, for me, roast beef, turkey, asparagus. You know, grown up food.
There were no double dares to run around the neighborhood naked or playing Twister drunk. (Yes, I have done both on New Year's pasts.) I was fairly surprised at my ability to be mature and responsible. I drank a total of 3 beers and went home before the ball dropped. (I was terrified of getting pulled over!) So, all in all, 2006 started off with a bang!

I did make it to the Vikings game on New Year's Day. I didn't whoop it up on New Year's Eve, so I began to drink heavily during breakfast on Sunday. We went to brunch at JD Hoyt's, 5 screwdrivers and a bottle of champagne later, we were bussed to the game. I was wearing stiletto heels and trying to make it down 1000 steps to my seat. Ok, so maybe it was like 30 steps, but those suckers are steep! Walking up was worse. By the time I made it to the top, my thighs were on fire!!! I almost forgot to pee, they hurt so bad!

All in all, I guess I learned a few things about myself towards the end of 2005.

1. I cannot give up swearing, it's impossible!!
2. I can be mature and responsible if I want to be.
3. If I was mature and responsible one night, the next day I will be back to being an idiot!
4. I was alone for the holidays, and I survived.

So it's a short list, so what!!! Maybe in 2006 I will learn more about myself!

2005-12-20T14:36:00.000-08:00

PS: I forgot. I need to go to the grocery store tonight for the ingredients of a cheesy potato casserole. I may just run someone over with my cart. If I get charged with assault via shopping cart, who will bail me out of jail? Will I miss Christmas? There is an idea formulating in my head.............jail vs. family time? Which is worse???

2005-12-20T12:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming. I have been hearing Christmas music at work, at the mall, at the grocery store, everywhere!!!!! I think I have sufficiently overdosed on the damn holidays. I want it to be over. Christmas Eve will consist of my mom's side, getting drunk and being very annoying. Christmas Day will be going to my ex-stepdad's, having morning drinks, and then my dad's. My dad's should be fun. My stepmom called and told me to bring ones and quarters. To the average person, this would be odd. No, we don't invite strippers to Christmas. Sorry. We play dice and poker, for money. Neither of which I am very good at, so I will lose my money again this year. Great.

I used to like Christmas, but this year I am having a very hard time getting into it. Maybe it's because I am getting older. The gifts keep getting worse every year. Last year I got a down comforter from my grandma. Yes, I did need one, but Christmas is not about getting stuff you need, duh!!! I have a sneaking suspicion that I will end up intoxicated and tell my family exactly what I think of them.

My cousin is bringing his girlfriend and her kid. We have no small children in my family anymore. My cousin, who is 14, is the youngest. Now, we have acquired this horrible two year old. He has ADD and a dirty mouth. I can't wait. My mom is already threatening to tie him to a chair and duct tape his mouth shut. I am applauding in the background. I can see myself, swaying from too much wine, with duct tape in one hand and a bottle of booze in the other, trying to catch the brat (he is a quick one!). Should be on America's Funniest Home Videos. My cousin's girlfriend is not one of my favorite people to begin with. She lets her kid run wild, which drives me nuts, and likes to tell people what to do. That bugs me. I have spent 25 years being in this crazy family, so I have the right to tell people what to do. By God, I've earned the right! She has been around for a year. She has NO rights yet. I think I may just tell her this on Christmas.

My mom has also made up a new rule. My sister and I, who have terrible potty mouths, cannot swear at Christmas. We decided to make flashcards with swear words on them and just hold them up when we want to use them. She said no to that as well. I thought it was a good idea??
She said I have to go into the garage when I want to swear. I told her to put a card table out there, so I have a place to eat and sit. She didn't laugh.

2005-12-14T15:39:00.000-08:00

Today is a snow day! I love the snow, it makes me want to snuggle up on the couch, in my jammies, and watch tv all day. It has seriously been snowing since about 9pm last night.

I have been thinking, I know, scary thought, but I think I want to go on vacation. My sister, who happens to be the only person in the world I can talk to right now, wants to go to Mexico. We are trying to beg, con, plead, with our dad to send us on a week vacation for Christmas. Of course, this means we will be receiving no other gifts. This is the only hang up. My dad gives the best presents! Is a week in Mexico worth not getting to open a new bauble from Tiffany's? I think so. Maybe I can meet the man of my dreams on a deserted beach, and he will scoop me up in his arms, tell me I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and we will have a night full of passion. Ok, wake me up. That happens to girls on "Days of Our Lives", not normal people.

Here I sit, at work, very bored, getting ready to go to Champps with a bunch of car salesmen. We will sit and bitch about work, listen to really bad karaoke, drink way too much, and feel like hell tomorrow. I can envision how the night will end...............me, alone, waiting for my ceiling fan to stop spinning. (I never even turned it on!) I don't have to work tomorrow, but I have a ton of errands to run. Last minute gifts to buy!

Good topic: do you buy your family's significant others' gifts??? My brother, who is 19, has been dating this girl for almost two years. Yes, I hate their very happy existence. Jerks. Anyway, should I buy her a gift? My family has always purchased gifts for my boyfriends. I am not quite sure of the gift buying rule on this one. I know that I spent way too much on everyone again this year. I better feel happy when my sister opens her sweater that I wanted for myself, and when my mom gets the CD I wanted. I have a sneaking suspicion I will not get anything I asked for, and I will want to take back everything I gave. What a GRINCH I am! It's hard being alone for the holidays. The entire family asks who you are seeing, and you get to say, "Nobody. I will be the scary lady on the corner with 12 cats, and kids double dare to ring the doorbell to my house." That's what I see in my future. Yay. Can't wait. I know it's bad when my boss continually asks me for pictures of myself to put on Ebay.

So, internet dating: yay or nay? Never tried it, but my mother is now recommending this to me. Does this mean I have zero chance of meeting anyone in real life? Am I a hideous troll with warts and bad odors? I don't think so. Maybe my wonderful mother sees something I don't. I guess this is one of life's great mysteries. I give up. Twelve cats, bad hair, housecoats: here I come!!!!

2005-12-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's been a long time since I have written anything. I've been busy doing nothing. I swear. I have no excuse, so I am offering nothing. No apology even! I have not met anyone, go figure. I constantly complain about this fact, but do nothing to rectify the situation. I only have myself to blame.
I did get a very odd text message the other night.........my ex wanted to see me. What does this mean?? I sent a message back, simply saying thanks. I didn't know what to do. This man, who I co-habitated with for 4 years and then retaliates by breaking into my home and stealing my wall clock, has the balls to text me and say he misses me. I feel that a violation of trust was breached, and it took all my will power not to call him a psycho and get a restraining order! That is essentially how my life has been going.
So, how does one begin their dating life at 25? Any suggestions??
I have been going to bars alot lately, as well. After two, three, ok maybe four martinis, I can see myself being alone for all eternity and I am ok with it. My boss is trying to sell me on Ebay now, too. This is a novel concept.

Available for overnight delivery:
5'6 Brunette, with fairly low expectations from a mate, work-a-holic, has cleaning lady as she is extremely lazy, and loves to go out and have a good time. $9.95 starting bid. She will pay for her own shipping!

Think I'll get any takers??

Ok, so it's a very random, stupid idea. I am not letting him put me on Ebay for god's sake!

2005-10-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am glowing. What does this mean? I'm not sure. I didn't change my hair, makeup, or suddenly have sex, but apparently I am glowing. I had a female bank rep come in to my store today and tell me I look absolutely radiant. (No, I'm not carrying the immaculate conception, either.) One of the sales managers here keeps telling me I am glowing and I look absolutely gorgeous. I thought only sexually active people can glow. Am I wrong?

I did go tanning, though. I know, skin cancer central, but I can't stand to be transparent during the winter. I did a "cocktail". For those of you who do not choose to ruin your skin with ultra-violet rays, this is a 8 minute session in a bed and then doing the spray tan right after. I have to tell you, this spray tan is the freakiest thing I have ever done. It's all motion sensored and it talks to you. Oh yeah, this soothing voice comes on and warns you that you will be sprayed with all kinds of chemicals in five, four, three, two, one.........LOOK OUT! This spray/mist, whatever you want to call it, tastes like shit! No, I didn't stand there with my mouth wide open, but you have to breathe. So, I was warned by the very tan and perky girl at the front, that you cannot shower for 4 hours after this spray stuff. It was 8:00 at night!!!! I was not going to wait around until midnight to take a shower. I came out of the freaky little booth thing, and all of a sudden I smelled burnt coconut mixed with sour milk. My sister looks at me, and says "That's you." She didn't tell me that you absolutely stink when you come out of this thing. She did the spray deal too, so I'm not surprised that people backed up when we were in line to order dinner at Panera. I wanted to shout, "I just did the spray tan, this is NOT what I normally smell like!!!" It took alot of self-restraint to keep that in. But, the instant gratification is wonderful! I am not transparent anymore! I guess in the end, all that matters is the result.

2005-10-17T17:23:00.000-07:00

Has everyone seen this blog: www.postsecret.com? I suggest you check it out. Another favorite is www.urbancougar.com. Guaranteed laughs.

2005-10-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

I went to brunch yesterday with my sister and her boyfriend. It was ok. We went to Granite City Brewery. I was so hung over from Saturday, I couldn't even drink a bloody mary. I live for bloody marys. My sister and her boyfriend are that annoying couple everyone hates. He opens the car door, gets her food from the brunch line, and complains for her when her plate was dirty. I hate these couples. They sit on the same side of the booth, even when they are alone. I literally make fun of these people when I am out. I then proceeded to go home and sit on my ass for the rest of the afternoon. I watched about five episodes of Desperate Housewives. I got the DVD set for my birthday. (How appropriate.) I am leaving for Seattle in 14 days. I cannot wait. I am going to party like a rock star and forget my name the whole time I am there. My best friend, who is going with me, has her birthday while we are there. It's going to be insane. Maybe I will pretend to be someone else while I am there. Fake accent, maybe new clothes, new hair, presto! I can be whoever I want. I did that once, at a hotel bar. I told some creepy guys I was from New York and a buch of other bullshit. I later found out that they were from New York as well, and knew that I was lying, but still wanted me to go to their hotel room. Yucky!!! Pilates and yoga are going well, but my leg has lost all feeling from my thigh down, is that normal? I better get that checked out.

2005-10-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so as I told my friend Paul, I started doing yoga and pilates again. I used to be very strict and semi-fanatic about doing exercise, but since I started working in the car business, I stopped. I figured that I do enough walking from the back lot to my desk. Boy, was I wrong. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall, and I weigh about 126 now. Of course, after a night of beer drinking, it fluctuates to about 128. Whatever, that is a minor detail. Last winter I think I was pushing 156, so I was huge. I lost a lot of weight while I was doing the break-up thing, due to stress and lack of appetite, but now I have my desire to eat back. I need to tone up. I figure that since the holidays are coming up and I have to face my grandmother again, I need to be in shape. She is absolutely nuts. Every time I see her, no matter what, she tells me I've gained weight. And, she does this in a rather sneaky and bitchy way. Two years ago I went to South Beach with my sister in January. I needed to lose a few pounds to get into my bikini, so I started working out. During Christmas dinner, my grandmother looks over at my plate and says, "You should put some of that food back, as you need to get in a swim suit in a couple weeks." Needless to say, I wasn't hungry anymore. So, I am feeling the urge to work out again. If you don't work out for awhile, you start to lose elasticity in your body, or so I think. I did pilates yesterday and almost died. I didn't know muscles existed in places I hurt today. I feel like someone beat the shit out of me and didn't even buy me dinner! Oh well, I guess I will keep on trying.

2005-10-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

I am 25. Yay. My mom already had a child and was married by now. But, I am learning to love my life. We have a super sale going on at my work right now, and you should see the clientele that we are drawing in. We actually had a gentleman in Zubaz come in yesterday. Do you remember these? Circa 1988? We also had the guy in a sweat outfit and full length, hooded mink coat. Wow, I seriously haven't seen these types of people since the state fair. We do a 10000 piece mailer and it is sorted by credit score, so if you have ever been to a sale like this, most of the people are great and just need help, but some of them are just crazy. It's like the 10% that are just nuts. It's good fun, though. Keeps us busy. My birthday went well, nothing super bad happened. My brother fell off a roof and broke his arm, though. That wasn't fun. He is a shingle guy and fell off the garage of some house, then decided to drive home with a broken arm. What a dork. I guess he is used to it, because he has broken his arm two times before. I felt really bad for him. I'm starting to get sick, too. That sucks. We have to be on level 25 for this stupid sale, and all I can think about is my jammies and my bed. I'm trying. I guess I need to try harder, though.

2005-10-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, it's here. It's my birthday. I definitely feel a little older. Not wiser, but older. I usually love my birthdays, but today is different. I don't feel excited. Maybe it's because I don't have anyone to have fun with. I am going out for dinner tonight with my step-dad and his girlfriend. Sounds like fun, huh? At least I'm not 30. Thank god. Pretty sure I will be in the hospital with anxiety when that day comes. I went shopping for myself yesterday. I bought a whole bunch of crap I don't need. I guess that's what birthday's are about. I have no witty thoughts today, either. I must be slowing down in my old age. Break out the scooter and the cane, fellas. My horoscope says that this year will be exciting for me. Singles could be married by February. I'd like to start with a date, please. I don't know why I read that crap anyway. None of it comes true and they are so general, it could be anyone. I can relate to everything in my horoscope, every day. Stupid, right?

2005-10-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

I went out for dinner last night with my friend, Doug. He's married, so it definitely wasn't a date, but we had a great time. He's probably one of the sweetest guys I know. We went to this Irish pub by my house, and sat at the bar. There was two middle-aged men sitting by us, and they were so disgusting! They were absolutely blotto and still had three drinks a piece in front of them. The entire conversation revolved around how many strippers they had each slept with. The one had just ended an 8 year "relationship", the reason for the quotation marks is that he claimed to have had sex with 40 other women within those 8 years. This makes me ill. They essentially were high-fiving over the fact that he cheated for all 8 years. Why is this ok? It wouldn't be cool if I slept with 20 guys during my 4 year relationship, I would be a dirty whore. I don't understand why it's ok for guys to cheat and sleep around. Then, these two clown fucks were hitting on the bar tender who had just turned 21. I wanted to slap them both! I think I will become a nun. Of course I will still drink and party and have sex. Sex, yeah right, what's that? I forgot how that goes. My sister, mom and I went and had manicures yesterday also. My mom wanted a pedicure, but as my sister pointed out, neither one of us has a boyfriend or a reason to wear open-toed shoes, so who needs a pedicure. My sister also pointed out the fact that since neither of us are having sex, shaving our legs is irrelevent. I think this is still a good practice for every day hygiene. It was very nice of my 18 year old sister to point all these lovely things out. What a doll.

2005-10-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Does everyone have an asshole boss? Is it just me? My boss is a complete horse's ass. Business is slow, so he feels the need to become this monstrous cock sucker. Ok, I feel a little better. I'm just sick of people being crabby and rude for no reason at all! If I did something to piss you off, like make fun of your stupid outfit, then it would be ok!

2005-10-05T10:35:00.000-07:00

I had dinner with my ex-step father last night. It was very fun. We drank too much, listened to music, and watched tv, while eating the greasiest pizza ever. He is so funny. I didn't want to come into work today at all. It's like 50 degrees outside and thunderstorming. Perfect movie/couch weather. I almost didn't come in, but I remembered that my cleaning lady is coming today and I would've had to get dressed and out of bed anyway. I'm pretty sure I am the laziest person in the world. I live alone, with the exception of my 23 lb. cat, am fairly clean and neat, but still don't want to clean my house. I actually get physically ill when I think about doing it. Silly, huh? I will pay a lady 95.00 every two weeks to clean for me. She is awesome! I wish I could get her to go to the grocery store for me too. I would pay alot for that. I hate the grocery store. It's always cold, too many people, and nothing ever goes my way when I am there. I think this is why I never eat at home. My mom is still trying to convert me to "domestic zone". I do cook, when I feel like it, but I would rather go out to eat any day. She cannot understand this at all. My mom is the world class grocery shopper. She knows everyone and everything there is about grocery shopping. She's a coupon cutter too. I hate coupons. I will go out of my way to avoid using coupons. I don't know why. Is there a phobia for that? I think I am self-diagnosing myself afraid of using coupons. Ok, incessant babble is over for now, getting into very odd subjects. I better stop while I am ahead.

2005-10-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

My new philosophy on life: If you have a chance to be happy, take it with both hands and you better not let go. You are one of the lucky ones. If anyone doesn't like it, they haven't had the chance and you shouldn't hold that against them.

2005-10-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

P.S. I should say that I am afraid of loving someone who doesn't love me back and spending the rest of my life alone.

P.P.S. I will be sending more contracts to my favorite bank rep Jen for sure!!!!

2005-10-03T13:36:00.000-07:00

This was e-mailed to me, so I figured I would just post it. It's everything you wanted to know about me!

1. What is your occupation? Finance Manager at a car dealership.
2. What color is your underwear? white, duh, I'm an angel!
3. What are you listening to right now? Jewel on the Musac at work.
4. What was the last thing you ate? French Onion soup, yummy
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink
7. What is the weather like right now? Warm and cloudy
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? A crabby customer
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yup!
10. How old were you on your last birthday? 24
11. Favorite drink? Beer!!!!!!!!!!
12. Favorite sport to watch? Football
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Contacts
15. Pets? Tank, cat
16. Favorite month? October, duh, my birthday is in October
17. Favorite food? Noodles
18. What was the last movie you watched? Eulogy, very funny dark comedy.
19. Favorite day of the year? New Year's, you get to start over
20. What do you do to vent anger? Talk to a friend and drink alot
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies
22. Fall or spring? Fall
24. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry
25. Do you want your friends to email you back? Yes
26. Who is most likely to respond? Niki
27. Who is least likely to respond? Joe
28. Living arrangements? ALONE!
29. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
30. What is on the bottom of your closet? Sweaters I don't wear
31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Niki
32. What did you do last night? Watched TV
33. What are you afraid of? Being alone forever
34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? None, I'm a veggie head
35. Favorite car? Audi A4
36. Favorite dog breed? Yorkie
37. Number of keys on your key ring? 5
38. How many years at your current job? 1
39. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
40. How many states have you lived in? 1
41. How many cities have you lived in? 2

2005-10-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, 7 days and counting. My birthday is 10/10 and I have to work 12 1/2 hours that day. I am betting my chances of getting a date are slim to none. I have decided not to care anymore, though. I am going to become one of those girls, you know what I'm talking about. I'm going to stroll through life and be nonchalant about everything. I will not become a workaholic, which has started to happen, or an alcoholic, which has also started to happen. At least, this is what I am telling myself. I spend almost all my free time with my sister, who is 18 and currently dating the perfect boy. She makes me sick. He buys her flowers and takes her shopping, to places she wants to go, and they go out for dinner almost every night. She isn't that special, I don't understand why she has this and I don't. Ok, almost went on a rampage, but remember, I no longer bother with these miniscule details. I will become happy no matter what. Is this possible? I think I need a hobby. What am I good at? Oh yeah, not much. I am not creative or crafty. My step-monster is very crafty. She's one of those people that can make a closet organizer out of shoelaces and popsicle sticks. She sucks too. Ok, I will no longer make mean comments about family members either. Wow, I'm off to a great start. Maybe I should make a list of things not to do, that will be way more productive.
1. No more making mean comments pertaining to my family, even if they are all a little crazy.
2. No more making work my main focus. (my job really isn't that great, I have now realized.)
3. No more being jealous of the cute couples I see all around me and thinking up creative ways to break them up. (Just kidding, I really don't do that.)
4. No more looking for a date. This should happen naturally, in a perfect world.
5. No more having huge crushes on people who are already dating someone. (Done that before and that sucks. I almost fell for a married guy! EWWWWWWWWW.)
6. Stop going out to bars. I have spent more money at the bar than on clothes. Stupid me.

I think that completes the list for now. I will add more as I see fit.

2005-10-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have a serious question to ponder: Why do people insist on wearing football jerseys to brunch, church, Target, the grocery store and spandex pants? I went to brunch this morning with my mom, (No, no dates yet.) and we went to Granite City. I'm not sure if anyone has been there, but it's not a fancy restaurant, but a nice one. You don't throw peanut shells on the floor and play pull tabs there, ok? I am sitting, enjoying my first cup of coffee with my mom, and in walks a group of people. They are all wearing football jerseys, women included, and jeans with holes in them, flip-flops and baseball hats. The last woman to walk in, with this group, is wearing a Vikings jersey and hot pink spandex pants with black flip-flops. Now, Vikings colors are purple and gold, so you can imagine how this looks with the hot pink pants. She is probably 5'3" and I'd say 165 lbs. It looks HOT!!!! My mom looked at me and started laughing. I think that this should be outlawed. You have to match before you leave the house. I am starting to think that people don't own a mirror, or have some idiot telling them they look ok in the morning. They are WRONG! This is not a fashion statement people!!!!!!! I like to look presentable, even at the grocery store. You never know who you could meet, right?

2005-10-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

PS: My birthday is in 9 days and I still have no prospective dates. I will be eating a whole bag of Doritos with Top the Tater (that is soooooo good) and watching sappy Lifetime movies. This is what my life has come down to. I am going to be the "scary lady" in the neighborhood with 12 cats and all the kids don't want to Trick-or-Treat at my house. I will begin to wear frumpy underwear and baggy sweaters, I just know it!!! Save me from this depressing fate!!!!

2005-10-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

I am hung over. I feel like a train ran over my head and someone tried to super glue it back together. Our month did not end like we needed it to, so everyone is very crabby at work. This is not making my situation any better. I want to go home so bad that I think I'm willing to throw myself down the stairs to speed up the process. I'm kind of thinking that a broken leg or rib would allow me to leave. It's the first of the month, and business is slow. There is nothing to do, except my boss wants me to cold call people and try to sell them a warranty. Yay. This involves being chipper and alert. Here's the deal, I am neither chipper nor alert right now. I will apologize in advance if I start making no sense as I write this. I'm having a very hard time staying in an upright position. I understand that the way I feel is totally self-inflicted. I received a very strange phone call about two weeks ago. I was very good friends with this girl, Michelle, while I was in high school. We actually were engaged to the same guy, at different times, but we share this as a common bond. She called me, out of the blue, at work one Saturday. I haven't seen her in 7 years. We finally had a night where neither one of us was busy, and it happened to be last night. We got very drunk and partied till 2 something. I don't remember alot of the evening, but I think I had a good time. I know we ended up downtown, at a strip club. I spent a bunch of money on lap dances, I know this is a fact. So, that is my story for today. Nothing too exciting, except I am starting to think the stairs idea is a very good plan..............

2005-09-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Happy end of month! To all the other people who's jobs require the same crazy, run around with head chopped off, splitting headache day, when it is the end of the month, have a drink for me. I have been sick, so I apologize for no posts. I had some "girl issues". I won't disgust all the men with gory details, but I was in the hospital, but am now feeling no pain. (thanks to the vicodin and 800 mg Ibuprofen) Like I said, I went to the hospital, and was the only non-gang related person waiting to be seen. I was the only female, as well. I looked like Courney Love after X fest and thought, "If I see a cute doctor, I will die." The x-ray tech, Brandy, informed me that if I thought a doctor was cute, I had the right dose of pain meds. There was no chance of George Clooney popping out of surgery and whisking me away to "happy-land". I didn't care, as I was in enormous amounts of pain, and couldn't seem to focus a thought to save my life. I had 1000 mgs of vicodin, that didn't even touch the pain, so they gave me a shot of demerol. I had a 45 mintute conversation with my dad about pink bunnies. I don't remember a nano-second of this conversation. I woke up the next morning, after my mom put me to bed, as I was in NO condition to drive, and felt like I had drank an entire keg of Icehouse beer by myself. I was still in my work clothes, as my mom picked me up at work and took me to the ER, and I was kind of surprised to find one of my shoes still on. My mom informed me that I fought her when I got home and didn't want her to take my shoes off. Wierd, huh? I feel 100% better and am loving life again. Thanks for the support, Paul! Loved your latest post!

2005-09-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Saturday, ah Saturday. The day of crazy people out looking at vehicles to buy. Yay. I swear, every Saturday we get the loony people who own a 1980 Monte Carlo with whole body rust, no shocks, no brakes and think we should give them 6000.00 for it. Yeah right! I am extremely tired and have zero patience again today. I woke up at 3:00 this morning and could not get back to sleep. The perpetual hamster wheel in my head was spinning like mad. Couldn't shut it off to save my life. Tonight, I am going home, changing into my jammies and watching a movie. That is my plan. My friend is coming over and we are going to have a ritual man-hating event. You know, light candles, dance naked in the moonlight, sacrifice a goat. Just kidding. We'll probably make margaritas and watch man-hating Lifetime movies, while screaming obscenities at the t.v. Sounds like fun, huh? Both my friend at I turn 25 very, very soon and we have decided that our biological clocks are keeping us up at night. I know that it is because my mom had a 4 year old when she was my age and was married. Same with her mom. I finally realized how bad I do want to have a family and a husband. (if I could stay with one guy for that long) My jagged history with men has me a little nervous. I have been engaged twice at the ripe old age of 24. Sucks, huh? No wonder I have developed the nickname, "Black Widow". Courtesy of my step-dad. He thinks he is very funny. Maybe tonight, in a blur of margarita and cigarette smoke, I can come up with a plan to snag a man...........................or I'll just get drunk. One of the two has to happen.

2005-09-23T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if you've heard, but we had very bad storms on Wednesday night. My parent's trees are all down, their house flooded, the pool flooded, the power is out, etc. It's wonderful. I spent my day off cutting tree branches and bailing water. I'm kind of crabby again today. I'm just not motivated for work. I really just want to be in bed at home, watching a movie. I work at a car dealership, and it's one of the largest in the Metro area. I normally like my job, but today, all I am dealing with is major idiots. I'm not claiming to be the most intelligent person in the world, but I possess something that alot of our employees and customers do not. COMMON SENSE. I have zero patience for stupid people. I might just go postal and blow something up. (Not really, as I am a very non-violent person, but it's a good thought.)

2005-09-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

What the hell is wrong with me? I feel very odd today. I slept for 12 hours and I wake up more crabby than when I went to bed. I know what all you men are thinking, "She has PMS." For your information, I don't. (I choose to only get that once a year.) I think it has to do with lack of physical intimacy. No, I'm not a nympho-maniac either. I wasn't even thinking of sex. (ok, so maybe a little) Just the physical touch of another person is what I was referring to. Kids that don't get hugged grow up to be assholes, and I am used to being hugged and kissed alot. I'm becoming an asshole. I love to cuddle on the couch and watch movies or hold hands alot. I haven't had someone to do that with for awhile. Even when the ex was living with me, we stopped doing that awhile ago. That was part of the break-up points. Yes, I listed all the good things about him and the bad things, which made the decision for me. A little anal, yes, but helpful. For the first time in my life, I feel like a girl. I am not your typical woman. I love sports, swear alot, I hate love stories, say whatever is on my mind, and usually like to be alone. I can say only one thing, this sucks ass.

2005-09-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Last night I decided, after a very long 13 hour day, to go downtown for a co-worker's 21st birthday. I cannot believe I am this unintelligent. I got off work at 9:00 pm and headed down for a long, long evening at the bar. It was a wonderful time, though, so that helped. We bowled, drank and danced. I won in bowling, thank you very much! I bowled a 160, which I can honestly say, has NEVER happened in my life. I feel like a piece of ass today, but I am muddling through it. My plan for the evening consists of Blockbuster, spaghetti, and a blankie. YAY! Ok, so I got hit on at the bar. This almost never happens to me. I get all red and embarrassed and kind of freak out. I don't know why. I had a reasonably attractive person telling me how beautiful and sexy I am, and I walked away. I cannot take a compliment to save my life! Oh well, welcome to the dating scene I guess.

2005-09-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

So, I have been very productive for the last five hours. NOT! I cannot seem to get motivated today. I was with my mom last night, and I realized that she is 45 years old, lives alone, has no male prospects, and now it is my mission to find her a man. She is very cute and sweet, but cannot seem to meet anyone. I am going to find her a suitable date, if it kills me. If anyone lives in MN and is single, right around mid-fourties, let me know. My second mission is to find me a date. I don't need a "boyfriend", but someone to hang out with and do stuff with would be cool. This mission, should I choose to accept it, hopefully will happen within the next month or so. I am accepting it.

2005-09-19T07:06:00.000-07:00

I have a case of the Mondays. Everything I have done, what I am wearing, my hair, everything is wrong. I can't get over this. And, our football team sucks ass. The Vikings are so awful, I hate to admit that I live in Minnesota. I went out on the lake yesterday and had brunch with my step-dad and a few friends. Yes, my sister came. We still have a very unhealthy dependency on each other. But, brunch was good and it was a beautiful day to be on the boat. I had to come home and do laundry, which I avoided like the plague. I ended up going to my mamma's for dinner and a movie instead. My morning has not gone all that well, so I think that I might just give up on today and start over tomorrow. Is this possible? Is there some sort of device that will rewind the day so you can make a fresh start? I probably would take advantage of this device and lose my time-traveling abilities. Yup, I could see it now, headlines reading: "Girl lost in time, as bad hair days make her rewind too many times." I would be in the black abyss of time. That actually almost sounds better than being at work today. Scary, huh? I suppose I should start being productive now.

2005-09-16T10:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, per Mr. Paul's request I will babble incessantly for another paragraph or so. So, when I did all my internal diagnosing (does that sound right?), I figured out that I have an uncanny ability to make people feel uncomfortable with my abruptness. I'm trying to refrain from being myself, but unfortunately for me, I am who I am. I really need to learn some tact. I was at the bar with a bunch of co-workers on Wednesday night, and probably made several off-color comments to these people. (Good thing I was blotto and don't remember a lot!) If I see something I like or dislike (anything at all), I have to comment on this. It's usually extremely loud, so people make an effort to turn around and stare at me. I, apparently, like to be the center of attention. If you knew me, you would know this to be very true. My family always comments on my attention to detail, if you will, on clothing, hair, weight, overall personalities, of other people. Not that I'm a bitch, intentionally. I don't mean to offend people, but am pretty sure that it is the inevitable.
I will definitely find myself a boyfriend now that I have realized I'm a loud, obnoxious, picky, opinionated person. Wow. Anyone single?

2005-09-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

I apologize for no post yesterday. The dreaded ex took my computer and I didn't work yesterday, so I was forced to go shopping and drink beer with my step-monster. (Twisting my arm the entire time, I might add.) Anyway, on to my daily events! So, I woke up yesterday, after having been at the bar on Wednesday night until close, feeling like a sewer rat. I knew I had to come into work for about 20 minutes for a meeting and could not make myself get up and motivated. My step-monster called and said that we should go out for lunch and go shopping, and all of a sudden the fog cleared and I was on a mission. I showered and got ready in record time, had my meeting, picked up my step-monster and we were off! I had no agenda on what I needed to buy, but the sudden urge to spend money was overpowering my ability to think! We went to lunch and had a couple of beers to "take the edge off". I ended up buying, yet another pair, of black stiletto pumps and two coats. I felt no guilt until I got home and looked at all the other pairs of black pumps I own. I had to console them, that they are all still my favorites. After that, I realized that something was missing from my living room. I had a black clock on the wall and all of a sudden it vanished! I started to freak out. I felt that maybe the ex had taken it when he had left and I never noticed. I thought about it very hard, which is difficult to do for me. I realized the clock was there the day before. I literally flipped out. I felt very violated to think that my ex would come into my home and take things that are of very little significance. IDIOT!!! I was very ready to call the local police and have him arrested. My mom actually talked me out of it. I was pacing my kitchen, ears bright red, screaming obscenities at anything that would listen. My poor cat is very wordly on swear words now. I called him every 10 minutes for 2 hours, and the coward would not pick up the phone. I left obscene messages on his voicemail, still no return call. Go figure! I finally received a voice messge this morning, apologizing for entering my home without permission. He promised never to do it again. (My response to that was, "Duh, I'm getting a restraining order you ass!") So, that was the extent of my evening and part of this morning. Happy Friday!

2005-09-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I get it now. I want that feeling again. You know, that feeling of being wanted and loved. I want to be able to go home from work and get the butterflies in my stomach because I get to see someone who makes me tingle. I want to get excited to spend time with that person. I want to watch them sleep and think about how lucky I am to be there to see that. If anyone feels that right now, consider yourself very blessed. Other people are insanely jealous.

2005-09-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

I am trying to write a little something every day, but it's kind of hard. I really have no new stuff to write about. I have been watching all the stupid, sappy, love story movies that I own. I never get sappy or sad, but lately I have been. Why? I can't figure it out. I know that I just broke up with my boyfriend, but now I'm very lonely. I've never been without someone. Stupid, huh? I feel ridiculous even writing this down, let alone admitting it to myself that I feel this way. I don't miss my ex, because of all the fighting and crap that we went through, but I want someone to spend time with. Oh well, I guess I will figure everything out in time.

2005-09-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

So, it's Tuesday. I am feeling a little wired today. I had a late dinner with, you guessed it, my sister last night. Wow, my social calendar is filling up so fast I can't keep up. Anyway, I am also having dinner with, yup, my sister and mom tonight. I am so popular it astounds me. So, I am feeling the weather today. It's crappy out and I want to crawl into bed and snuggle with a cute boy. (Since I have no cute boys to cuddle with, I guess my cat will do.) I booked my trip to Seattle today. I am so excited! My best friend and I are going to get wild and crazy for five days! Gotta work now!

2005-09-12T10:30:00.000-07:00

So I come in to work this morning, still feeling the faint aroma of tequila wafting through my pores. Bad deal for me. I am very tired and a little loopy today. Fortunately for me, I get to work a 13 hour day today! Yay. I read my horoscope every day for fun and it says that my love life faces a moment of critical decision this evening (disguised as a mundane question). So, my thoughts on this, my cat is going to ask me to marry him. I have zero prospects of any real person being in my love life, so I figure it's got to be my cat. I'm so looking forward to going home tonight and finding out what the question is. Everyone seems really happy to be here today and it's kind of strange. Monday usually consists of people walking around with an IV of caffeine and kind of grunting at each other. I like happy Mondays.

2005-09-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Sunday evening: spending more quality time with my 18 year old sister. We work together, both just recently ended a relationship, and spend way too much time with one another. Last night, I actually got out and did "adult things" without her. My best friend and I went to a bar where we played Texas Hold 'Em and lost our asses. Good thing it is fake money or I would be crying now. Then, we went to a dive bar and proceeded to "ride the bull" several times over. If you are not familiar with this, I wasn't until last night, it is a shot that is horrendously addicting. It is a jag bomb, but with tequila instead of jag. So, you have a shot glass full of tequila inside a low ball glass of red bull. Wow! I was dancing on tables and succeeded in making a complete ass of myself all night long. I woke up on my friend's couch, sitting up, with an unlit cigarette in my hand at 7 am, when we had sat down around 4 am. The drive to my house was pleasant. I went home, stripped, and crawled back into bed. I surfaced around 11 this morning and then proceeded to run errands and now am watching movies with my sister. I still reek like tequila and am not looking forward to work in the morning. I have taken two showers today and cannot get the smell of bar and booze off of me. Lovely.

2005-09-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

Now I have time to write! I'm at work, trying to do this, as my lovely ex took the computer from my house. One more thing I have to buy. Jerk! So, I have been doing some self-exploring, now that I am single. (Of course, I have been single for like two weeks) I have figured some things out. 1. I want to have babies at some point 2. The reason I didn't want to have babies before is that I didn't want babies with my ex 3. I want to have fun 4. I want someone to be silly with forever 5. I do not want to do the dating thing Now, I have realized these things in a short amount of time, so I know that my break up was a good thing. I also know that since I do not want to "date" these things will be very hard to accomplish. Any suggestions? Oh, one more thing, 6. I do not like to be alone. I figured that out real fast. I am a total people person and feel a little silly having a conversation with my cat. At least no one is there to see me. I suppose I should do a little work now.

2005-09-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

Ok so I had to start over on my blog. My previous blog, ohmigodshedidnot.blogspot.com had to cease existence. The premis to that story is that my recent ex boyfriend would read it and I don't want him to know that I have created a new blog. Anyway, not to ramble on about that, but I wanted to start fresh and new, just like my life. This will be the first of many new entries in my new blog.